I'm back

slow down for Him

2006-05-15T03:04:00.000-04:00

i need to slow down
i need to put everythin on slow mo.

i feel so caught up with everything going on in my life now... it seems like there are way too many things waitin for me to do... i juz dont know where to start... the sad part is that i havent really done anything yet... today i was plannin to chill w/ my ma all day long.. but guess what time i woke up ... 6 pm.. yup 6 in the evening... and i felt so messed up ... i knew i was sleepin way to much.. but i juz didnt want to get out of bed... cuz once im out of my bed .. there will be a thousands things waitin for me to do! life feels so unsatisfing for me... its like a same routine everyday... bad things keep on poppin up in my life, work sucks big time, feeling lazy, school is blah~, bad relationship w/ friends, growin far from Him, feeling lost, totally dependent on material things and girls to brighten my day... what a loserish life im living! i simply need directions in my life... speakin of which .. i really want to go to campus challenge.. but cant afford cuz of all the material things and luxuries that cost.... *angry*...

so today i woke up at six... i still got to hang w/ the family thank God nobody went out... we had home cooked pho... soo yummmmy! watched braveheart... such a good movie... then i watched sexTV... for some reasons our satelite service gave us this specialty channel... it was quite interesting, very informative in the non-dirty way... then i finally started my reading for geography, this class has so much reading for me.. i dont know how to read them all... i should be doing my reading now.. but wanted to get some stuff out of my system...

tomorrow comes a new day... a new day for me to do things that needs to be done!

wake up and go to school
join the gym
go to church
no starbucks
go home
call the police
clear court issues (too many issues w/ the po-po's, i'll update later)
do a day to day schedule for work
read a journal for geo
do my communications lab

will i get all this done? i doubt it.. but i will try...

im soo angry... my LCD screen for my camera got cracked :( its not workin now.. i dont know what to do ... it was a purchase from japan.. so the warranty is voided here... arrgghh so mad!..

running low on $$ again... need to work and pay school fee

my co-workers are against me.. all of them... i dont know why.... its seems like they dont like me cuz i get favoured more by the general manager.... im juz there to do my job... they dont have to envy anything of me.. i have nothing... ontop of that workin w/ my ex is not a good idea so far... saw her.. but pretty sure somebody is mad at khoa :( ... cant and wont do anything... i'm not lookin for anymore trouble... ... i always get a strange feeling when i go to the office... its like i juz walked-in when they juz finished talkin about me... all my coworkers including my ex... not a nice feeling... not at alll

now u see why i choose to stay in bed rather then wakin up and having to deal with all these stuff?

oh i want my God now!

one day at a time

2006-05-02T01:33:00.000-04:00

as im sittin here lookin at the screen, recallin of all of the events that happened over the past two weeks of crayzness, i just dont know where to begin! lets break it down...

summer is here for me... this summer will suck big time!!!! after last years summer i started to hate it so much... last year... i had to do 3 jobs and 2 hard courses... and then this year.. i'll have 2 jobs and 4 courses ... i dont know how i'm gonna divide up my time...

work- workin at mexxx is startin to get on my nerves... some bad management... hopefully things will get better at that place... truth is, i lost the passsion of workin there... juz stickin around for the discount and easy $$... i dont really have much option at this point. my other job... will be a boo boo as well... workin w/ my ex... and a bunch of hischool kids at canada's largest water park - wild water kingdom..... drama, politics, scandals, sex, and all that 'good' stuff, we've got it all! i'm tryin to avoid my ex... the break up wasnt that bad to me.. but she seems a bit mad about something... i dont know.. and not lookin forward to find out... tryin hard not to fall for any girl this year at this stupid water park!!! this is the place where all of my summer flings happened... every year a new chick (or even a couple of them)... i disgust myself!! hopefully i'll use what i learned from CCF and from readin the bible to tame the devil within me..

school - the past semester was definitely super hard!!! i'm kinda glad that its over.. but now i'm in that stage where i'm afraid to find out whether i'll fail my courses and get suspended or not! i was really scared during exam time... i did mad prayers... but as i prayed i felt selfish... i always want want want... but when its time for me to give up things ... i always make up excuses to avoid giving up anything that bring me pleasure... how selfish! i have a little confession to make... after my stats exam (THE hardest course ever!) when i realized that i might have an 80% chance of failin the class and stayin bak another year... so i bought a gift to bribe my prof!!!! how horrible eh? but when i went to her office, i told her my situation, how i studied everythign that she told me to study for, but i juz cant seem to understand it.. she then asked for my name, and pulled out my exam from a big stack of papers!! i was pooping in my pants... soo scary i tell you... so she went through my exam w/ me right there, and she said i have a passing exam.. but will i pass the class?.. shes still not sure, dependin on how the class do, she will decide... and then she added 'if u marginally failed the course... i will give u a mini exam with only one question to do in 30 min; if you get it correctly, i will add the marks ontop of ur exam mark'... i was like wow!!! how nice can a prof be??? she said she'll give me a call over the weekend if the mini exam is required.. but i havent recieved any calls yet, and its tuesday already.. i dont know if its a bad thing or a good thing... im soo scared... i swear to God ... this prof is soo nice.. i spent an hour talkin to her... so after alll this exam talk... i finally give her the gift and she loved it. i really hope she'll pass me.!!!. *prayin like mad* ---

so the spring semester starts 2morrow... but my first class is on thurs ... i got two bonus days to bum around.. but thursdays will be a killer starting from this week... i got geography from 9 to 4 pm every thursday... this will suck big time!! hopefully steph will be in my class! im a bit excited... after all, this is my first elective course since 2 years ago... finally i have a class w/ girls... wooo hooo!

self - since my last exam... ive been chillin a lot... sqeezing out every minute i can get to relax and enjoy myself and the ppl around me... trying to complete everything that was left un-done. also i spent a lot of time alone relaxin by the lake, fishing, enjoy the food and wine... driving around like an idiot w/o a destination... i got couple of things left to do ... clean the house, do some yard work, &goin clubbing w/ the boys.

april 29 - CCFs year end banquet was interesting and very different from all of the other banquets that ive been to... it was unromantic, quiet, no loud music, no dancing, no mackin, no bumpin & grindin, no alcohol, no drunken ppl, nobody sneaked out to get high, and no fights... but on the other hand, it was warm, it was nice, even tho i'm not close to any one there, but i could feel the subtle care that everybody have for one another and includin me, it was simple clean fun w/o any intentions. moreover, it was a bit sad, when ppl had their parting speech during hot seats, but there will lots more exciting things out there for them to do to glorify God's name. Something funny happend.. which i thought was quite embarrassing... i came to the banquet only almost 2 hours late, with a rose in my hand which i promised somebody that i'd give them (a rose) one of these days... ok ok .. lets back track that a bit... so as i was stuck on lakeshore driving at 10km/h cuz the gardiner was closed for construction. i thought i'd get a rose for this person since i dont know how much longer i would live or how many more times i get to see her... cuz recently i almost gotten myself killed on the road many times... but i guess God doesnt want me to die yet.. so i decided to go to dominion to get her a rose.... and guess what... no one was workin in the floral section... then i demanded for a manager... she juz told me to help myself and get any one rose from any dozen i like.. so there were like over 15 dozen of roses...aand i'm supposed to pick the freshest and the best lookin rose out .. that wasnt easy... then i helped myself over at the counter and wrapped it... i did a crappy wrappin job.. but i had to rush cuz i was really really late already... then i parked the car and went to the multipurpose room... walked in --> everybody was at their table eating... and all of a sudden.. everybody looked up ... i didnt know what to do ... cuz everybody was aaskin about the rose.. ooooooohhh'ing and awwww'ing .. i was embarased... then i rushed quickly to find her and gave it to her... sorry if i embarrassed you.... im sure my face was red... cuz i could feel the heat boilin off my face.... like geez ppl it was only a flower for a friend... i felt liek i put on a scene and set myself up for this one... i'm glad its over ... the rest of the night was juz simply great time spent w/ brothers and sisters.

ok .. i better end here.. this is gettin a bit lengthy and pointless... i'll continue w/ my summer next time... ciao!!!!

one good song!

2006-04-13T07:28:00.000-04:00

jack is the man yall!!! crazy song~

Breakdown...

I hope this old train breaks down
Then I could take a walk around
See what there is to see
Time is just a melody
With all the people in the streets
Walk as fast as their feet can take them
I just roll through town
And though my window's got a view
Well the frame I'm looking through
Seems to have no concern for now so for now I

I need this old train to breakdown
Oh, please just let me please breakdown

Well this engine screams out loud
Centipede gonna crawl westbound
So I don't even make a sound
Cause it's gonna sting me when leave this town
And the people in the streets
That I'll never get to meet
If these tracks don't bend somehow
And I got no time that I got to get
To where I don't need to be so I

I need this old train to breakdown
Oh, please just let me please breakdown
I need this old train to breakdown
Oh, please just let me please breakdown

I want to break on down
But I can't stop now
Let me break on down

But you can't stop nothing if you got no control
Of the thoughts in your mind that you kept and you know
You don't know nothing but you don't need to know
The wisdom's in the trees not the glass windows
You can't stop wishing if you don't let go
The things that you find and you lose and you know
You keep on rolling, put the moments on hold
The frame's too bright, so put the blinds down low

I need this old train to breakdown
Oh, please just let me please breakdown
I need this old train to breakdown
Oh, please just let me please breakdown

I want to break on down
But I can't stop now

2006-04-11T02:22:00.000-04:00

introducing... 'Jade Towers' my pocket plant... its growing!!! see the two little branch in the middle??? it wasnt there b4.... they're 2 weeks old

2006-04-11T02:18:00.000-04:00

2006-04-11T02:17:00.001-04:00

2006-04-11T02:17:00.000-04:00

late at night .. walkin on yonge street... snap a cab!

2006-04-10T02:24:00.000-04:00

just another day...

2006-04-10T01:54:00.000-04:00

im kinda glad today is over!... spent the whole day at school ... for like 12 hours at school on a sunday makes me sick.!!! i hate engineering... smelly guys (engineers)... and the fact that there are no girls!!! argghhh ... engineering building = sausage fest for business and ece students... haha... thank god i didnt have to drive home alone tonight.. it was pretty late and i was a bit sleepy after dinner... had indian food today... which means that i might 'run' tomorrow... i was kinda disappointed w/ the restaurant... cuz they didnt have butter chicken!.... i wasnt satisfy.. but time well spent w/ a few new ppl.

so two more weeks of school is left... i'm starting to get a little scared about my exams... again.. i got back to back to back exams... 3 days in a row... im gonna die!! i gotta pray for this one!. i'm super worried about my 80% final exam.. i gotta go hardcore on this!!!

so april 29 is ccf formal... juz decided yday that iwas gonna go... thanx to someboy.. haha... dont know what to wear yet.. maybe white??? to contrast w/ black? *wink wink*... i love formals... very exciting... this one should be fun with all the bros and sis...
goin to this formal is cuttin into some other good things... mexxx is doing lazer quest on the same day .. and i gotta help a friend move outta peterborough.. so depending if she really really need my help... i might not be able to go to the formal!! but well see ... this formal might actually be worth going!...

oh yeah.... i found super marios brothers 3... its sooo crazy... look at the pic above... the best video game out there... i love it... and my mom loves it too ... she told to get it for her to play.. what a mom!... she calls it 'the mushroom game'... haha.. 1up!!! what the heck is 1up... it makes no sense...

but anyways... its late... im off to bed....

- got couple of friends who doesnt have thing going well for them... but no worries... He has better plans for you, neither He or I have forgotten about you ... keep on hangin on there... and one day the good plans will unfold right infront of you... dont be discouraged, and turn that frown up side down!

have a good day !!!

2006-04-04T10:18:00.000-04:00

What would you do if you were to call up your friend, and found out that he passed away?...

For the past couple of days its been hell for me... i had one of the worst flu in my life... the virus muated so fast... it worn me down juz in 2 days span... at night i couldnt sleep because i was too cold, even though my room was boiling hot with my heater set to high... i had so much cold sweat. i was at 39 degress C for almost 24 hours straight.. then i decided to go to a walk-in clinic.. got some new medication.. and got a bit better today... then i realized i still have to do my major assignment which was due this morning!! i'm screwed... my good for nothing partner is totally useless, he doesnt do anything for this assignment .. as usual... at times i really want to screw him over ... but then i cant do that to someone.

I'm kinda glad that i got over the flu, now i only have to deal with the cold. Pretty bad year so far with all the sickness. I'm pretty sure i got it from a friend of mine whom i went out to lunch with last week. i had a dream when i was dozing off after my medication... i dreamt of Brian having the 'avian' flu because we had chicken for lunch on that day... and obviously i caught the flu from him.. .which means i will die soon! .. yes.. i sorta freaked out for a bit after i woke up from my messed up dream... but comes to think about it .. death isnt too bad.. not bad at all, considerin how my suck so badly ... no i'm not in a depression or anything .. it just that life is not that fun at the moment.. when is all of this gonna be over???

ok enough w/ my depressing talk... i still gotta finish my assignment...
i hate school!

smile and have a good day!

2006-04-03T02:07:00.000-04:00

Video doesnt work here .. :(...

good link .. http://www.visualgui.com/motion/BonjourVietnam.html

2006-04-03T01:34:00.000-04:00

Bonjour Vietnam

Raconte moi ce nom étrange et difficile à prononcer
Que je porte depuis que je suis née.
Raconte moi le vieil empire et le trait de mes yeux bridés,
Qui disent mieux que moi ce que tu n'oses dire.
Je ne sais de toi que des images de la guerre,
Un film de Coppola, [et] des hélicoptères en colère ...
Un jour, j'irai là bas, un jour dire bonjour à ton âme.
Un jour, j'irai là bas [pour] te dire bonjour, Vietnam.

Raconte moi ma couleur, mes cheveux et mes petits pieds,
Qui me portent depuis que je suis née.
Raconte moi ta maison, ta rue, raconte moi cet inconnu,
Les marchés flottants et les sampans de bois.
Je ne connais de mon pays que des photos de la guerre,
Un film de Coppola, [et] des hélicoptères en colère ...
Un jour, j'irai là bas, un jour dire bonjour à mon âme.
Un jour, j'irai là bas [pour] te dire bonjour, Vietnam.

Les temples et les Boudhas de pierre pour mes pères,
Les femmes courbées dans les rizières pour mes mères,
Dans la prière, dans la lumière, revoir mes frères,
Toucher mon âme, mes racines, ma terre...
Un jour, j'irai là bas, un jour dire bonjour à mon âme.
Un jour, j'irai là bas [pour] te dire bonjour, Vietnam (2 fois)

2006-03-17T04:32:00.000-05:00

no comment...

2006-03-17T03:10:00.000-05:00

Its been a while since ive written... a lot of things happened but i dont know where to begin...
Just now, i read couple of my old blogs.. man i wrote soo many personal stuff, it was a good idea that i didnt make it public! One thing i wrote from last year blog was how i admire people who revolve their lives around God and all the holy stuff... and now.. i still do!... i read blogs all the time, and almost everybody blogs about God and how He touched their liives... then i look at my blog... emptiness!

i feel like i'm very young and immature spiritually... sure i read the bible, but when you ask me about the bible i feel like i dont know a thing!... i see people hi-lite their bibles like a coloring book! its like they're bachelors of 'hi-lighting'... i'm doing everything wrong.. i read the bible w/o reflecting, my prayers and devotions are structureless! everything is just random and all jumbled up...

confession --> i wanted to run for an exec position or get more involved with ccf next year.. but lookin at my immaturity and un-disciplined mind .. i dont want to bring shame to CCF... and plus i still have a lot of growin to do as a christian... so i will pray for all those candidates to do a good job next year to serve God.

So recently ive been a lot closer to a close friend... i see him practically everyday... lunch dinner study together.. i even dragged him to church with me... shared many laughters and many sad times... i failed my midterm misserably.. yes less then 10%... another dumb moment in life when i found out my marks.... those midterms can really make me feel soooo stupid... argghhh i hate engineering!!! ive had many discussions about life in general... from girls to my future..

Life is pretty depressing at this point... have nothing to look forward to ... one question that constantly pops up in my mind is why do i take things for granted... and sometimes i really do ... ask yourself one thing... what have you done to deserve anything you have infront of you at this moment... this is exactly my thoughts... i havent done anythign in life that is so great to deserve anything i have... as i'm typing right now i'm feelin a bit hungry.. but i havent done anything to deserve food? So another goal for me now is to appreciate everything and everyone around me like its God's blessings to me.

Lent is getting harder for me.. i dont know if anybody is still remember that its still Lent.. but me personally, ive been doing bad for the past couple of days... i gotta get myself back on track!... pray for me please...

I want a girl-friend now!... but i dont have anybody to like and nobody likes khoa :( actually i like a lot of girls.. but there isnt one at the moment that i can see myself with...

Job ... my workplace is getting boring... its seems like everythign just comes down to the amount of money -- how much i sell.. sell sell... im not about selling... its becomin to get meaningless... what about the fashion.... and helping people finding their styles, showing them the fashion?? yesterday i went window shoppin for a friend to find her an outfit for graduation... even though we didnt go shoppin together... cuz i was at eaton and she was at sherway.. but we shopped over the phone... i gave her lots of suggestions and new looks.. .... the best feeling is to help people, friends and get their deep appreciation back in return... i dont need a thank-you ... i dont do things to get a thankyou but i do things for others cuz i simply care...and when people seee how i care.. that is true appreciation... and yes! i hate it when im being taken for granted like everybody else. but yeah... if anybody needs some advise on shoppin lemme know.. im no expert but i'll try to put in my two cents.

WOOOO HOOOOOOO spring is coming .. but let summer not come... actually theres nothing too exciting about spring.. except for when the flowers and plants start to bloom.. best time to take flowers pcitures... and i juz got my new camera today.. so very excited.. with 3 cm of macro mode.. i could do all the close-ups now!... go to http://www.imagestation.com/member/index.html?name=k2vu to see my Spring '05 album... expect more this year!..

i think its time to sign off now...
till next time..
bye!

Relax ppl... enjoy the food, music, and drinks

2006-03-07T15:55:00.000-05:00

Update with some good tunes for today...
alicia keys every little bit hurts
kanye west paul wall drive slow,
teddy geiger try too hard
bob sinclair love generation
craig david rendez-vous
karl wolf fortune cookie
il divo i believe in you

Some good wine, liqueur, drinks
blush wine - sawmill creek currently drinkin...
asti martini
disoronno amaretto on the rocks
godiva white chocolate cream liqueur
smirnoff twist green apple w/ sprite
cafe au lait w/ a dash of baileys topped with some vanilla ice-cream
green tea frappuccino or anything from Starbucks!

right now im craving for some deep fried tofu with some hoisin sauce mix and miso soup and some bruschetta!!! what a bad mix.. lol

besides the music, food and drinks that are on my mind... things like relationship, courtship, and just simple girls and guys issues has poped up a lot in my life lately... not so much about me but people around me. i havent had a chance to talk about it much since God has been comsuming most of my mind lately.

** just poped a bottle of wine open... ima let my words run loose!**

Well since the new year till now, there has been a lot of break-ups as ive noticed... and yes ... my break-up also included. ==> where is the love people!!? what happened? but it doesnt matter.. just dont be too sad... juz think about it... there aare plenty of fishes in the sea! so move on to the next fish!!! lol dont get me wrong though... w/e you do.. do not use somebody for a rebound.. or even just have a sex partner just for the sake of getting laid... it is bad i tell you!... *not from personal experience** ... lemme tell you, when you have sex with somebody you have no feelings for, its very pointless, because you'd just want to cum and get it over with... eventually you'd hate sex and have a bad attitude towards the notion of "love-making". ==> take my words for it and let it be a lesson to you~...

i have a question... how hard is it do you think it'll take to get a guy or a girl!?

here are some pointers for girls:... flirt a little, be extra playful to the guy you want, dont act desparate (cuz he'll leave ur a$$ for a white girl- haha), give him the attention that he deserves.. thas all you gotta do to get a guys attention... onething with guys is that... they'd go for you for sure if and only if (iff) they know that they'll have a chance, or that they know that you're interested in them!... yes thats why we're dogs!!! --> and yes any guy who pays for you.. want to get in ur pants

and..

here are some pointers for guys: *girls ... please dont read this*... first and formost you gotta dress like ur a pimp lol im playing... but do dress decently.. * a lot of girls like that even though they dont admit to it* (clothes does make part of the man.. but not all). flirt with them a bit... stare at them like you got staring problems.... haha jokes again.... dont do that.. that might just scare the girl away!... but make sure that u let her know that ur watching her .. with 'the look'...girls love attention... when you talk to her... dont spill out ur guts to her... keep some obvious stuff hidden.. girl loves it when the guy is mysterious... *important... be a gentlemen!!! open doors, let her sit-down first then yourself.... pull out chairs for her if u guys are alone... and please pay the bill - dont be cheap! oh yeah.. one more thing.. always make her smile!!! on a more serious note... the best way to get a girl is to just be yourself (after all thats what you do best at)... dont try so hard... and when you talk to a girl you should know right away whether she's for you or not.. use ur own judgement on this one...

* girls you may continue here.... lol who am i kidding... ur soo nosy!!!

please dont quote me on any of this... as im pretty old school when it comes to choppin girls.. lol i think its time for me to retire soon.. but if for some strange reasons (maybe you!?) if you dont get a girl/guy.... relax homie... there are plenty of fishes in the sea!!!

ok kids.. thas all for today.. till 2morrow... class's dismissed!

im so messed up!

2006-03-04T23:55:00.000-05:00

que je crois en Toi, un Dieu....

im horrible...

2006-03-03T19:04:00.000-05:00

Sitting here in front of my computer, and just think of what to write.. there are sooo many things going on in my head, I just don’t know where to start… have you ever feel so messed up that you started crying because you don’t know what to do next?

Right now I feel sooo retarded; I skipped a midterm this morning, it doesn’t worth much… just 20%. So last night it was hard for me to wake up to study for my midterm... considering that it was my fourth night up studying for midterms and assignment… Let me tell you, when I went downstairs to grab something to eat… I felt dizzy and my head was so light… I was fainting… I came back up stairs and tried to study I couldn’t look at the numbers anymore… I thought I was gonna die! I’ve never felt more stupid in my life… its only energy conversion and I couldn’t study it. Next… me being a loser; I went into my sister’s room and woke her up ... told her I was gonna skip the midterm because ima pass out if I don’t stop studying. After that I went to my room… I broke down… for ONE hour I couldn’t stop crying (yes it’s pretty gay) I felt sooo bad, and hopeless… and I kept on asking myself why am I such a failure… I fail at everything I do ... good for nothing spoiled bastard! Its like I try so hard and got so far and at the end its back to square one.. I’m left with nothing but failure. I really tried hard for the past week and a half… after I came back from the retreat and a couple of days rest… I studied non-stop as much as I can, I slept for 3 to 4 hours a night… and I kept on telling myself… just one more night Khoa… 2morrow will be better, and at the end I still couldn’t do it.. I failed! I just want to end everything!

So when the morning comes… I woke up (skipped my midterm)… my body was aching more than ever, like after a hardcore work out! My eyes were puffy… but at the same time it was like the best sleep ive ever had. The feeling of depression hit me again, just like the one from last year… I admit it.. I was in a depression this time last year… and I was so depressed non-stop. I cannot go through another depression this year or else I'm gonna go crazy!

I thank God for friends who keep me grounded and go through hard times with me; and also a sister who always have my back. I think I made a bad decision for differing my midterm… but now I'm going to try even harder for school… because I have another busy week waiting for me…

Oh God ... I need a smoke!

School!

2006-03-01T13:57:00.000-05:00

schools been killing me, as i posted last time i have 3 midterm this week... i juz finished one midterm this morning, and im all drained out already. so tired, like gagan just said... 'juz look at the screen and you could tell that you havent slept for so long'; no ... i havent been getting enought sleep.. maybe 3 4 hours a night. i really cant wait until friday. But i should stop complaining, im sure we all have to go through busy times in school.

So its the first day of march, and spring is coming... i really dont want it to... i like winter the best! but i think its about that time of the year for 'lent', so this year im thinking of giving three of the hardest thing to give up for me... well two of them ive been trying for a while now... the first one is the 'sex' stuff from porn to masturbation... 2nd thing is swearing... i think i should try the mind conditioning rubber band method to help me stop swearing... and the 3rd thing is MSN!!! msns been distracting me a lot from school... i would just spend the whole day on msn chatting w/ friend when i have a huge work load to do. so no more msn unless i need to come on for school work!. Yeah so im gonna be missing on msn for a while... i also wanted to give up shopping, eating out, and all that extra luxuries that i waste money and time on just to make myself feel/look good. but i think the three choices i will be a good challenge for me for the next 40 days... well let it begin now!.. DAY 1

... drip drip drip.. ahahaha

Warning : Personal Content!

2006-02-26T05:32:00.000-05:00

Ahhhh I'm gonna explode!!!

So let me update my life to myself!

So on Friday… work sucked…. New manager… new rules… same old stuff all together!
Chilled w/ the boys after worked… turned out to be one of the most messed up night ever. People were drunk and high… some passed out… some threw up… some was outta control ended up punching anything in sight .. put dents in cars. arggh!!! I lost my cufflinks! I got stuck driving their car because people are too high and too drunk to think… man.. there was this girl ..she was only 17… and she was more drunk then ive ever been in my life… trashed!... got parking ticket for 75$ because the car was stopped for literally 1 minute outside of pizza pizza… people got emotional and got upset w/ one another.. arghh what a night!

So I came back from the retreat earlier on this week feeling refreshed … with a strong new faith.. so I decided to cut off porn… masturbation…swearing and all that has to do w/ me committing sins and feeling guilty! But you know when you put ur all into doing something… you will always find it a thousands time harder?? Lol… I bet not!.. well its soooooooooo hard I tell you .. I can't put sentences together anymore; because of the missing f word that would normally complete the sentence for me. When I try to avoid sexual content material so that they wouldn’t get me horny… I run into horny girls!!! Ahh! An old friend of mine was trying to talk me into cyber sex with her!! What is going on!!? and just when I got tired of girls or tired of thinking that I have to get hooked up with somebody…( quite frankly, I'm tired… I just got out of a relationship… I'm not 100% recovered.. I'm not gonna use some random girl to get right!) so when I think of not to chop any other girls.. all of a sudden there are so many girls that pop up .. how could I resist from talking to girls?… but when I talk, something always happen.. like this one girl tells me to go to peterborough to get it on w/ some other girl then she joins in after!!! Ahh this is soo crazy…!!!! And have never or would never turn down some lesbian action until today!... sometimes I think amna is right… ‘I am a whore!’… because if I wasn’t, things like this wouldn’t happen to me… man.. being righteous is not soo easy!..

So w/ my head being all messed up … I decided to go shopping.. for food.. for grocery … for clothes… i bought a bag for grannie! And another pair of cufflinks!! I always feel better after going shopping! But as soon as I got home, I found out that I had a lot more work to do… so many assignments and labs due plus 3 midterms next week wed thurs and fri.. I'm going to die!!! Today was also my sisters graduation ceremony for passing the CA tests! But too bad I couldn’t go .. I had to stay home to do my labs!!!

Lets talk about the retreat for a sec… I had an amazing time there… it was so good that I didn’t want to come back to reality… the bad reality… the hatred, the envy, the swearing, the sex, the girls, the disobedience, the drugs, and all of the immoralities. Things at circle square ranch were so holy and everything and everyone was for once … came close to perfect! I learned something new from listening to ‘the purpose driven life’ – the best way to express one’s love is to give to give them ur time. Doesn’t matter if its love for a friend or family or that special someone… if u cannot give ur time to anybody… ur missing the whole point of loving one another. This might sound cheesy.. but the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E! at the end of the day when u still have things to do on ur ‘to-do’ list.. that means that ur trying to do way too much in one day and ur not enjoying life.

MY NUMBER ONE GOAL: time management! With school with self with god with family with friends.

This blog is long… I just had to write… I feel like I was going crazy… I felt sooo irritated… I think besides the retreat! This week was one of the worse week ever!
Its almost 5:30 am on Sunday.. I think ima go to sleep now b4 I pass out!

Peace y’all!

do this prayer w/ me...
i love you God, I need you God, please come to me and bless me, my family, my home, and my friends, in Jesus' name, Amen!

I'm sleepy!

2006-02-22T02:08:00.000-05:00

Survey

Four jobs I've had:
1. wild water kingdom
2. tutor
3. Watermark airport
4. Mexxx Trinity

Four movies I can watch (and have watched) over and over:
1. Ice Age
2. The incredibles
3. The time machine
4. TVB series - The Green Hope

Four places I've lived:
1. Saigon, Vietnam
2. Malton, Mississauga
3. Brampton
4. My future condo

Four TV Shows I love:
1. Any car show
2. Any cookin show
3. any comedy on TBS
4. any music channel

Four places I've vacationed:
1. no where
2. no where
3. no where
4. circle square ranch if it counts

Four of my favorite dishes:
1. Bruschetta or anything tomato
2. any italian dishes
3. Pho
4. DIM SUM!!!

Four sites I visit daily:
1. Hotmail
2. Blackboard
3. peoples blogs
4. my homepage.. the cbc weather page

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. back to the retreat
2. hongkong
3. new zealand
4. japan

**taken from amy's page

im so lazy!!

2006-02-05T01:55:00.000-05:00

and so i havent written for so long... did i tell you how much i love bloggin?.. but im also way too lazy to do it!... right now i should be doing my lab... but you know me.. the procrastinator i am. i always leave things till the last minutes. So yesterday was my hischool prom date birthday dinner/ hischool reunion; unfortunately i couldnt make it.. stupid mexxx. luckily she held it at east side marios in the same complex as mexxx. so i popped over to east side durin my 15 min break... i saw all of my old friends .. some i havent seen since grade 12. i miss them all and i love them so much!!! so after work i went w/ azhar jyoti geeta nav mandeep and michelle to see 'when a stranger calls'.. it was such a stupid movie!!! we all couldve written a better plot.. but i love the time spent with them all.. great times.

So far, the past week had been the most busy for me.. and im so glad that its over. a lot of interesting things happened this week... like how i took gagan to st. michaels.. and he was like it looks jus like in movies.. lol. but we got there in the middle of the 12 o'clock mass.. it was quite interesting.

didi tell you how much i hate fake ppl??? i h-a-t-e .. nigga, dont try to get me down w/ u.. juz be careful.. cuz what goes around comes around... one day when u need me... pray for God to be w/ me for me to forgive you..

but yeah.. enough hate stories... for some reasons.. im in a very good mood today, maybe cuz 2morrow i will have a whole day to myself. ... oh and yes.. im lookin for a valentines day date... i want to have a good v day this year... maybe w/ somebody... dont know who its gon be yet.. but ihave to find a date....

i guess i better get back to my labs b4 its due!

psssst.. amy.. thanx for reading.. ur prolly the only one... i hope things are gettin better with you with everything.. be happy.. smile!!!!

and so ... ... ...

2006-01-15T23:05:00.000-05:00

... it's over ... she's gone for good!

well... ive done it again..

2006-01-10T08:36:00.000-05:00

well .. ive done it again... i managed to ruin another relationship... well pretty much... or gettin there! fights after fights...

im now at school... waiting to attend my first class of the sixth semester... but at the same time i juz cant stop thinkin about her, and how angry i made her feel. this one will take more than juz an appology to get over. funny how im such a dumbass and always and i mean always manage to screw up everything good... why cant i for once be happy with what i get and be satisfy w/ it, instead of looking for the wrong things and fight over them... i really know how to push the buttons!!! GOD help me through this one and teach me better! please...

i'm pretty sick rite now... plus only 2 hours of sleep last night i really hope i wont pass out anytime soon and get run over by a truck!!! oh how shitty i feel!!! i cant wait to all this is over!!!
GOD help me through this one and teach me better! please...

First Day of School! :(

2006-01-09T21:15:00.000-05:00

Well here i go again... starting a new blog... i havent been writing since april ( the end of my suspension period). So from April to now, i feel like there has been way too many things happened to me and i missed them all... since i didnt write about those good/bad times. Right now i'm listen to james blunt your're beautiful, because i think she is soooo beautiful in so many ways! *you're beautiful and its true*. So why am i starting a new post again??? well... cuz i have friends who care about me and things that i do and they want to read about me to get to know me even better (yes its you A.L. --> you know he loves you); and also i juz want to have some time to myself, to get things out of my mind, and lastly to keep a blog of goodtimes w/ ppl and A.J..

So today was supposed to be my first day at school. i was so sure that i would have one of the best first day at school. unfortunately, i didnt even get a chance to go to school!... i didnt get a goodnite of sleep last nite.. i meant to go to bed at 11 but couldnt sleep till almost 4 in the morning. While i was up reading the bible, i think i caught a cold, so now my nose is running like niagara falls.

Talk about niagara falls... i have to admit i have had the best time of my life there on jan 3rd and 4th. the hilton hotel was very very nice... i got to use a jacuzzi for the first time, even tho i have one at home too!!! lol... and we won $40 at the casino, its not much... but i never win at casinoes!. Though the next day i was soooo tired and didnt want to leave the hilton.. but we had to. Thank-you baby for all the goodtimes.

Anyways, so i missed my first class today, which was only an hour long. So far i hvaent been keepin my new year resolution. This year i promissed myself to attend more classes and to get a's in my classes. Whoever is reading this right now, please help me to achieve my goals this year!!!